For
better or for worse…
Marriage sounds fearful. As
a result, it does not surprise me that most young people are having more second
thoughts on taking the plunge or waiting a couple more years than previous generations
to choose the married life. In all honesty, I can relate. I am scared beyond
imagination. I do not want to be a statistic, as I am sure others feel the same.
As almost everyone hopes to one day, I too hope to grow old with my significant
other when the time comes. But in reading Divorce Author: “I
Think 17% Of Marriages Are Happy”, I realize that while I consider myself an
optimistic I cannot help but wonder if I am choosing optimism over reality. In
the blog by Buzz feed they interviewed author Dana Adam Shapiro. He believes
only seventeen percent of marriages are happy and after further research, I do
not find this hard to believe. Especially, since he mentions that almost fifty
percent of marriages end in divorce. Which we mentioned in class and was pretty
accurate in another source (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samara-oshea/marriage-has-a-25-chance-_b_1568936.html).
The seventeen percent would also make
sense since out of the remaining percentage we eliminate other scenarios. Such
as couples remain married, but they often live separately, maintain married for
their children’s sake, or are only financially married (huffingtonpost.com). I
also must agree that marriage does not mean lowering your standards by any
means, as Shapiro also mentions. At the end of the day your standards reflect
you and as we have heard a million times before, one should not settle or
change themselves for anyone. As I was reading Shapiro’s answers, I also came
across something interesting. He stated that most people now have more regrets
than previous generations and I can see why this would be true. These regrets
are not for what happened, but more for what did not happen. Overall, I feel
the piece was written spot on regarding the evolution marriage is undergoing
and reflects my point of view. The piece also intertwines with the chapter
regarding marriage we dealt with and discussed in class. For example, the issue
with settling for less and regret and its correlation to self-identity. When
someone settles one often question themselves. You start to question or lose
your identity. This also goes for when you regret certain things. Specifically,
if your spouse is what is causing you to do or not do certain things you may aspire
to do or wish to not do at all. Is it all worth it in the end and are you
hiding your true self for their sake and the sake of the marriage. And even if
your marriage ends in divorce this does not mean it was a fail. People evolve
and sometimes your role or identity changes and things seem perfect one day and
the next they are not. This is okay. Marriage can produce some great things. As
we discussed in class, lack of identity along with financial reason are among
the top reasons for divorce. After reading this piece, I understand more in
depth now why as much as you hope for something to work or fight to salvage
what little remains of a relationship at times it is best to let go as tough as
the choice may be and divorce does not always mean failure. At the same time,
this also sparked a question in me. It may seem that people do not cherish
marriage or see the same significance as previous generations did, but is it
possible that maybe people are becoming more active and are no longer afraid in
standing up for themselves and their happiness? I mean as we mentioned in
class, it has become more acceptable in society to take the route of divorce. This
would certainly explain a rise in divorce for the baby boomers.
Divorce would be structural functionalism paradigms. As
the piece points out, Shapiro hoped his book would help dysfunctional marriages
by either working out the problems or ending them all together. I would argue
it is structural functionalism because divorce can have negative effects and
weaken bonds or people. Once again, in losing one’s identity you weaken not
only yourself, but your marriage. Also, regretting things tends to make you
unhappy depending the situation and if both parties involved are unhappy the
results will not be great. Also, the manifest function would be the unhappy
parties and the latent functions would depend on the circumstance. For example,
the negative effects on the children involved or the negative effects on your
family in general. As Shapiro mentions, it is best to end a relationship if you
see no future sooner than later.
Sources:
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