In U.S. society, nine out
of ten couples get married, and five out of ten of those couples get divorces. Let
that sink in for one second. 50% of marriages doesn't survive. That is a truly
saddening number. Divorce can be extremely emotionally and mentally
destructive, and not just to the couple themselves. If the couple has kids, you
can almost guarantee they will be affected negatively because of the divorce. While
divorce can be a good thing (in the case of a marriage that just isn't working), typically it just breeds negative feelings and bitterness.
The real victim of
divorce is the children, if children are present in the marriage. According to
an article by www.heritage.org,
the website states “Children whose
parents have divorced are increasingly the victims of abuse. They exhibit more
health, behavioral, and emotional problems, are involved more frequently in and
drug abuse, and have higher rates of suicide”. The article goes on to discuss
how children whose parents have divorced perform more poorly in school, and
have higher dropout rates. These families can see their income drop as much as
50% after the divorce. All these different negative consequences can really
hurt the child during the period in their life in which they should be
blossoming and shouldn't have to deal with all the negative aspects of their family
going through a divorce.
So why do couples get divorced? What exactly leads to a couple wanting
to terminate their marriage? The website family.jrank.org
states:
“Marriages that end in divorce typically begin a process of unraveling,
estrangement, or emotional separation years before the actual legal divorce is
obtained. During the course of the marriage, one or both of the marital
partners begins to feel alienated from the other. Conflicts with each other and
with the children intensify, become more frequent, and often go unresolved.
Feelings of bitterness, helplessness, and anger escalate as the spouses weigh
the costs and benefits of continuing the marriage versus separating”.
As stated above, there are many reasons why couples get
divorced, and the common factors are negative feelings toward each other,
unresolved conflict, and a lack of communication. These negative feelings have
consequences that can last well after divorce as well. The article also
discusses these negative psychological consequences. Divorce can lead to stress,
anxiety, and depression, which in turn can inhibit effective parenting.
Therefore, everybody involved in the divorce suffers.
I’m no stranger to divorce. After my mom died when I was
young, my dad went through a really dark path in his life. He struggled to come
to terms with my mother’s death. It’s no surprise that several years later he
remarried, he wanted to feel that romantic, compassionate love that a marriage can
bring. So he remarried when I was six, and I felt really happy to finally have
a mother. Things were great for about a year, until my stepmother began to show
her true colors. She wasn’t nearly as nice as she portrayed herself to be. She
ended up being a cruel, heartless witch with little concern for me or my
brother’s well-being. When my dad discovered this, he divorced her and I, my
brothers and my father moved out. Sounds like that would be good, right? I suppose
in the long run, but I was moved out of my home and into a new living situation.
I went through a dark period in my life, trying to understand and come to terms
with what happened, and the suddenly changing life I had thrust upon me.
Divorce sucks. More often than not it hurts all of those
involved. Those individuals suffer, and it can make life really difficult. I
can’t begin to think on how to solve this problem, and that is really sad to
think that people will continue to suffer like me and millions of other couples
and children.
Further Reading
The Effects of Divorce in America:
http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2000/06/the-effects-of-divorce-on-america
Divorce - Effects on Children, Effects On Couples, Effects on Parents:
http://family.jrank.org/pages/413/Divorce.html
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